


Reaching for the Star

by Hagiology



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Love, M/M, oya oya oya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24523861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hagiology/pseuds/Hagiology
Summary: What is Akaashi's role when Bokuto is no longer around to be part of his adult life anymore?Is he still needed? or did both of them move on?orAkaashi trying to figure out his feelings after Bokuto had participated in MSBY.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Reaching for the Star

“MSBY Black Jackals number 12--- Bokuto Kotaro!”

Upon hearing this, Akaashi slowly turned his head up from his paperwork to the television. Bokuto didn’t change one bit, still with that energy and that owl-like hair. Akaashi would notice how Bokuto still wore his kneepads up to his thighs. Akaashi pushed his sliding glasses up a bit, trying to focus on his editing work for the Shonen manga. It was then a gust of wind blew his slightly opened window agape, the wind flurried towards the pieces of white paper beside Akaashi, bringing them to fly in mid-air. Akaashi gasped and move back to avoid paper cuts, unlatching his eyes to see white paper falling like the day the sakuras did on his graduation from Fukurodani.

Bokuto was there. That day Akaashi was asked to bring a kimono for the graduation picture after the ceremonies. He wore a dark blue kimono that matched the tone of his hair, while making him look so much paler. It was beautiful that day, sakuras blooming across Tokyo, and Akaashi smiled a lot. Bokuto clanged onto him for most of the graduations, shouting how Akaashi is growing up and should continue a career in volleyball. Akaashi was stung after hearing this. He knew that he isn’t capable of making it a career, because only knowing your team and your ace in high school well probably won’t get you far in professional teams. You need to be the one that shines, like Bokuto, and his job was to make him shine. But what is Akaashi without Bokuto? 

Akaashi is as silent as he is with answering Bokuto’s idea to continuing in volleyball right now. Staring at the messy floor filled with pieces of paper. 

The television continued to introduce the members of Black Jackals. Akaashi seems to hear “Hinata Shoyo “being called out, followed by the famous “Oya oya oya” from the one and only Bokuto. Papers everywhere on the floor, but no more wind to pick them up and put them back in place again. Akaashi suddenly wanted to see Bokuto play again. Akaashi gets another flashback back when he decided to join Fukurodani. Featuring Bokuto at that match was probably the best decision they could have ever done. The powerful spike, the bounce, the cheers after they scored, tickled every bit of Akaashi’s heart. 

“I want to join.”

He whispered, staring at the older boy waving his hands in the air on the court. For a second, he seems to look Akaashi’s way, and made a huge smile. Then, as if he heard what Akaashi was saying, he mouthed:

“Join us.”

Akaashi decided from that day he would stand beside Bokuto.

Akaashi’s thoughts were stolen, he didn’t clean up his room, he only looked up when Black Jackals was going to play in Tokyo again. He decided to go, leaving the window slightly open.

The stadium was filled with people, cheers, and flags. Akaashi saw a lot of old comrades, most already working, and some still pursuing sports. It was not bad to see them again, but something about greeting them after many years felt uneasy for Akaashi. It was nearing the end of the summer, but still not the greatest weather out. The bright stadium lights turned to the middle of the court, the center spot that Bokuto longed for. Akaashi sat down with Lev and Kenma to watch the tournament, Akaashi felt quite uncomfortable with the amount of loud noises in the stadium.

But these cheers you could have had, beside Bokuto.

Akaashi forced himself back to reality, wondering why he would think that. The light landed on the center court again, as people called out each team’s names. Akaashi fixed his visions on Bokuto. His spikes are even better, his jumps, he is more in focus than in school…Akaashi judged every move that Bokuto made, only to see that his attitudes hadn’t changed. Fixed on the figure, Bokuto jumped up from outside, and made the curve ball hit that he had done when the ball was so close to the net. 

Everything drowned out when the ball landed.

Akaashi remembered every word that came out of Bokuto.  
Akaashi! Did you see that? That was so cool.  
As if the stadium was empty, Akaashi felt he saw that young boy again standing on the bleacher, watching Bokuto make his powerful hits. Right, left, right, jump. Did the crowd cheer? Why aren’t there any sounds?  
Bokuto faced the crowd of fans, waved and mouthed.

“Join us.”

Silence.

Akaashi was tapped on the shoulders, only to see Lev handing him tissues, asking if he was ok. Akaashi then realized that tears had fought to come of his eyes. Quickly thanking over Lev, he excused himself to the washroom after the first round. His heart is tickled, he wanted to laugh and cry all together. Akaashi felt nice knowing something in his life hasn’t changed. Akaashi had the temptation to talk to him, but he felt he didn’t have the courage to. He still faced the fact that he wanted to be the one beside Bokuto. Afraid that Bokuto is going to ask what he is doing now, and expecting the answer to pop out as “I continued volleyball”. Maybe it is thought that Akaashi changed too much, or Bokuto knowing his feelings that ends with him not wanting to associate with Akaashi any longer that frightens Akaashi to death. After Bokuto graduated, he simply did not have the motivation to go on, as his job was to make sure Bokuto stand out in the crowd amongst them. 

Bokuto is the star, and he is the only thing that needs to shine among the clouds. 

What is Akaashi, without Bokuto? 

But again, Akaashi had one job, and that job is not to reach the star, but to lift it up.  
Akaashi then remembered he was asked what does he fear. He returned by saying that he feared the stars. He was asked why he feared them.

“Because when you get lured by their lights, you don’t remember you can’t reach them.”

Akaashi feels as if he was going to puke. Puke out his feelings that he once wanted to fit inside a can, and never show it to anyone. No expectations mean no disappointments. Akaashi texted Kenma saying he is heading home because he is not feeling well, and left without turning his head back to the courts.

Akaashi reached home. White paper stinging his eyes in the dark room. The window slightly open, but no more wind came, only the worst humidity. Akaashi remembered he should be sending his edited drafts to the publisher, but made no moves to open his computer again. He went to open the television, making the room dim, and walked towards the windows.

The television sings loudly the victories of the Black Jackals, drowning out the silence. The star creeps out of the grey clouds. Akaashi stared, reaching his hands and tried to grab the star, but ends with him holding to a ball of air. 

The television sings loudly again, only this time it drowned out the ringing of Akaashi’s phone, clearly showing the caller.

Bokuto Kotaro. 

Akaashi picked it up only to receive a moment of quietness. Akaashi was about to turn to text when the other side spoke.

“How are you, Akaashi?”

Akaashi didn’t expect this, he opened his mouth to find his throat dry. 

“…I’m fine.”

They shared a moment, Akaashi was sure he was going to die from this conversation.

“…I didn’t continue volleyball.”

It clearly surprised him, Akaashi thought, about to cry thinking what Bokuto was going to say.

“Oya.”

“If Akaashi listened to me, it wouldn’t be that Akaashi I knew of.”

Akaashi widened his eyes, almost dropping his phone. The other person went on.

“I mean, Akaashi is always the brainy one, and I would think Akaashi is the one to make good decisions… But Akaashi is truly a star, no?”

Akaashi shook. He nodded, not knowing the person on the other side wouldn’t see. Akaashi hit a dead end. He asks himself what is his value without Bokuto, and every answer seems to be “nothing”.

But why is Bokuto saying he is a star?

“Akaashi always gets me in position, gets my head in the game… I was always impressed.”

Akaashi felt a cage has been opened, and everything bad is coming out, but yet felt so relieved.

“There can be multiple stars on a court, Akaashi.”

Akaashi covered his eyes.

“You are a star.”

Akaashi sighed.

“You bring out the best in me.”

Akaashi lifted his head up.

“Join me.”

Akaashi had a dream that night, he stood beside Bokuto on the center court, Akaashi reached for Bokuto’s hands, and Bokuto allowed him. 

Akaashi reached for the star.

**Author's Note:**

> Akaashi had always been the reasonable one, maybe almost too much. So once the time comes for people to go and move on from their past relationships, it always bothers people like Akaashi after a long period of time. He does not realize how much these people mean to him on an emotional level, until they are reminded why they are attracted in the first place.
> 
> Kinda sucked on the writing cuz i was sooo trying to put my thoughts together... Hang in there haikyuu loves.


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